Everybody loves Manchu Wok. No matter what you're craving while scanning an entire food court of restaurants, you always linger at Manchu Wok a little longer. Everybody loves good old, Amercanized, oily Chinese food.
Anyways, everybody has also dealt with Taco Bell. After 2 tacos and an hour of digestion, burping still brings back a medley of processed beef and gastric juices. Gross.
So, it's a Saturday and I'm stuck at my dad's convenience store in the mall working from 4 to 9. I usually run into a variety of characters while working, sometimes workers that come by for some lottery tickets or drinks. This one man came in, after a meal I assumed since he was carrying a bag of chips and a pop, and asked for some cigarettes.
Now, I don't like to generalize or stereotype people, but from the way he presented himself and spoke, I could confidently say that he was gay. I gave him his cigarettes and we were waiting for the debit machine to go through and I noticed his phone which was pretty cool looking. We started talking about it and different internet plans and how much they suck. That's all good. Except he was burping.
"Excuse me. I'm so sorry. I just ate."
You think?!!??!
The worst part was I immediately knew what he had eaten. The deadly Manchu Wok. The smell wafted towards me; a toxic cloud of sweet and sour pork, chow mein, and fried rice. Oh good Lord, deliver me from this stench of garbage and digestive enzymes and stomach acid.
I thought it would be like when somebody passed gas in a public area. You smell it for like a second and its gone. No. Not this. This smell lingered around my nose as if to taunt me.
All I could think was, "Omg, I am going to throw up. Omg. I'm going to gag."
Maybe you don't understand. This smell was horrendous. Think of a black garbage bag full of Manchu Wok food, throw in some stomach acid and enzymes and let it sit in the sun for 30 minutes. Now open the bag up and take a good whiff.
The man finally left. I grabbed the nearest spray thing (which was only Windex) and proceeded to just spray the air. Like I care if its not an air freshener.
OH! This man works at Sterling. I remember his tag. It didn't have his name though. I hope he never comes back after eating Manchu Wok. It should be a crime to let loose foul stenches from one's body.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Birthmarks
Everybody growing up HAS heard of the rumour: "If you don't have a birthmark, you're an alien." AHAHAHAHA
sigh...public school
Anyway, I was riding on the bus today and I let my mind wander (as it usually does) to random things and it finally landed on the birthmark. Mine, if anybody hasn't noticed, is on the right side of my face (my right) and it is actually quite conspicuous. I mean, there are horror stories about people with all consuming marks on la visage, and I guess everybody has been turning a blind eye to this blemish (thank you for sparing me many awkward moments; however, try and refrain from looking at it when talking to me).
I proceeded to Google this birthmark issue and landed on Wikipedia (obviously).
"Birthmarks are called voglie in Italian, antojos in Spanish, and wiham in Arabic; all of which translate to "wishes" because, according to folklore, they are caused by unsatisfied wishes of the mother during pregnancy. For example, if a pregnant woman does not satisfy a sudden wish or craving for strawberries, it's said that the infant might bear a strawberry mark."
(Birthmarks are often called 'strawberry marks' because they may be red.)
So, If I take this example and apply it to myself...I can come up with a few hypothetical situations:
1. My mother had something on her face but for the life of her couldn't find a washroom or a wetnap to get it off.
2. My mother had a lot of ddae on that side of her face but could not for the life of her find a ddae mi ri.
3. My mother saw something on the right side of my dad's face and wanted to rub it off but he wouldn't let her.
In any case, I am left with this blemish of 'a localized imbalance in factors controlling the development of blood vessels.'
What is awesome about this article is they present a chart with all the different types of birthmarks existing, AND the slang names coined to match the appearances of each. Following are a few that I just found hilarious:
"The Stork Bite" or "Angel's Kiss"
Found mostly on the neck, head, or top lip and a pinkish colour (because if you know how babies are made, those 3 areas make it really easy for a stork to carry la babe).
"Mongolian Blue Spot"
First of all, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. They are bluish and bruise-like. They are also found on the lower back or bum. HAHAHAHAHA. -I have seen one before. Not on myself.-
"Cafe au Lait Spot"
These are light brown, milk coffee coloured marks and are the most common. I, myself, am in possession of the 'Cafe au Lait Spot.' And dang, they do not fade with age. Also, having two is common.
In conclusion, my general audience, that is the birthmark. Hopefully many of you will have a newfound appreciation of that pesky little blemish that may be on your bum, face, or anywhere in between.
sigh...public school
Anyway, I was riding on the bus today and I let my mind wander (as it usually does) to random things and it finally landed on the birthmark. Mine, if anybody hasn't noticed, is on the right side of my face (my right) and it is actually quite conspicuous. I mean, there are horror stories about people with all consuming marks on la visage, and I guess everybody has been turning a blind eye to this blemish (thank you for sparing me many awkward moments; however, try and refrain from looking at it when talking to me).
I proceeded to Google this birthmark issue and landed on Wikipedia (obviously).
"Birthmarks are called voglie in Italian, antojos in Spanish, and wiham in Arabic; all of which translate to "wishes" because, according to folklore, they are caused by unsatisfied wishes of the mother during pregnancy. For example, if a pregnant woman does not satisfy a sudden wish or craving for strawberries, it's said that the infant might bear a strawberry mark."
(Birthmarks are often called 'strawberry marks' because they may be red.)
So, If I take this example and apply it to myself...I can come up with a few hypothetical situations:
1. My mother had something on her face but for the life of her couldn't find a washroom or a wetnap to get it off.
2. My mother had a lot of ddae on that side of her face but could not for the life of her find a ddae mi ri.
3. My mother saw something on the right side of my dad's face and wanted to rub it off but he wouldn't let her.
In any case, I am left with this blemish of 'a localized imbalance in factors controlling the development of blood vessels.'
What is awesome about this article is they present a chart with all the different types of birthmarks existing, AND the slang names coined to match the appearances of each. Following are a few that I just found hilarious:
"The Stork Bite" or "Angel's Kiss"
Found mostly on the neck, head, or top lip and a pinkish colour (because if you know how babies are made, those 3 areas make it really easy for a stork to carry la babe).
"Mongolian Blue Spot"
First of all, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. They are bluish and bruise-like. They are also found on the lower back or bum. HAHAHAHAHA. -I have seen one before. Not on myself.-
"Cafe au Lait Spot"
These are light brown, milk coffee coloured marks and are the most common. I, myself, am in possession of the 'Cafe au Lait Spot.' And dang, they do not fade with age. Also, having two is common.
In conclusion, my general audience, that is the birthmark. Hopefully many of you will have a newfound appreciation of that pesky little blemish that may be on your bum, face, or anywhere in between.
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